Look Up

None of it makes sense, you know. I can't find words that mean what I'm feeling, and the closest thing to perfect articulation would be a scream.

But when I'm done screaming, what do I do?

I just returned from an east coast trip for college visits. Mostly I walked through the cities and waited for the right feeling. I thought a lot about cities being "living proof people need to be together". I imagined that if I yelled your name, people would brush it off without caring where it came from in me. And I know it makes sense for them to not care; I can't find it in myself to care about people I don't know, but it bewilders me that the greatest person I've ever met, whom so much of my life has been touched by, will die with the whole of the world unchanged.

And I know that to think this way is pessimistic and would lead me to believe that there's no point in living, but there doesn't have to be. I think living's worth it. It just sucks that we all end up gone forever. And it sucks that for the best person I've ever known, it has to end decades early.

Love is no shield from suffering.

So, heck, the question remains. What do I do when I'm done screaming?

posted by Allison Francis @ 5:53 PM