Look Up

I turn 18 tomorrow. It's exciting to hit the milestone, but more than being amazed by the passing of time, I'm convinced that everyone in the world goes through life pretending they know what they're doing. Confidence is naivete because uncertainty is not a phase. And the people worth respecting are at least the people who bullshit with sincerity.

posted by Allison Francis @ 4:48 PM 0 comments

First week of school down (or at least the first four days) and it went fine, but it felt like several weeks. I barely paid attention to time, so when Friday finally hit, I felt proud that I have yet to have a panic attack or nervous breakdown or emotional fit. But I'd almost forgotten the way school wears you down, and how any season other than summer doesn't allow for deep slumber. I forgot how everyone switches into survival mode and I can never seem to make time for mornings spent writing songs in my underwear or taking the Max downtown with no destination in mind or country drives with the windows down. Now there has to be a plan, a due date, and it's getting too cold to roll the windows down. And it'll be this way for the next nine months.

Then again, this is the end of high school. I'm not giving up yet. And I'll fight bitterness away, but for the first time I'm not afraid of losing myself, and I'm not jealous of anyone else's life.

I know I'll make it.
And at least I can be proud of myself for that.

posted by Allison Francis @ 11:32 PM 0 comments