Look Up

I'm reading this book, "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close." I'll be honest; although the language of the book is not notably advanced, I don't always know what's going on, but it brings me near tears every other page. Granted, that's not really hard to do, with me. It's just, I live for those books whose words touch you so intimately, so honestly. Books that articulate truths that maybe you understand, but have never been able to explain, or books that expose universal truths that are difficult to acknowledge, especially to yourself.

"She wants to know if I love her, that’s all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet."

Is that true? Is reassurance, not love, all we need? I don't know that it's all that pretty a truth, but I think I believe it. I think logically most of us understand that we are loved. But if that were all that mattered, it wouldn't hurt, it wouldn't scare us, when someone could not or would not say "I love you," back to us, or otherwise. I guess it only becomes scary when you already love the person. "To protect yourself from sadness, you also must protect yourself from happiness."

I don't really feel like this is going anywhere. Since I've been reading this book my writing only feels more inadequate. Journalism major? Really? I feel like I need to cue the "Hercules" theme music or something ("I would go most anywhere to feeeel, like I belonggg!"), and I feel like I am just like every other college freshman... ever. Which is fine, I guess, since that's what I am. Ha, even though it feels like a lie or a joke to say.

"I thought, it’s a shame we have to live, but it’s a tragedy that we get to live only one life, because if I’d had two lives, I would have spent one of them with her."

Ask yourself what you are protecting in the parts of your heart that you don't allow even yourself to see.

posted by Allison Francis @ 10:32 AM