I like standing up on MAX because I like how my body sways as the train speeds up through the tunnel. I like looking at the people and listening to conversations and imagining what we'd talk about if we were left alone, and if it was over coffee, what would they order. I like deciding where to get off only when I get there.
I like walking with Ben Lee's music floating in my head.
"I think about the city, it's living proof that people need to be together." I like smiling with eye contact and people smiling back. I like not knowing where I'm going. I like looking at art in Old Town but admitting that I don't often "get it". I like being alone, but only in the city.
I sit in Pioneer Square and watch people live and feel overwhelmed because I am so in love with Portland and the people who make it so beautiful. I love the little boy chasing pigeons all over the red bricks and I love the woman from Minnesota who's really only interested in finding bargains and I love the girl with the same camera as me who's writing in her notebook. Portland's where I live and today I didn't need anything but to exist in its heart.
"I'm still singing, twisting new melodies, breaking arrangementsThinking about my heart, I guess you've heard, sometimes it's heavyBut I just keep moving; when I hit a wall, I look up at the sky..."
I want to write, but I'm not sure how much I have to say. The heat's dulled my senses and maybe my mind. I've been feeling things without being able to explain why. I've been listening to songs of summers past and feeling panicked even though things have been okay.
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful.And there's this burning, just like there's always been.Everyone deserves a chance to fly.I've learned so much from these summers; they're a large part of what's made me whoever I am today. But I guess I feel as if there's something preventing me from knowing who that is. Or maybe I know exactly who I am and there's little left to learn and that's that. I
think that wanting more allows me to become more. I
think that needing meaning creates meaning. And I'm pretty sure that loving people and things so much you feel you could take off flying, only leaves room for you to love them more.
I want more. I need meaning. I love, I love, I love. I'm willing to keep trying and try harder and hang on and have a fucking blast even when I'm tired or afraid. I'm here and I'm living hard and I hope I can keep it up; I hope everyone is learning the most important things for them to to hold onto.
Always,
Painting the Town Your Favorite Color.
