Look Up

Hello,

Please download this song: The Umbrellas - The City Lights
"I've pushed away the dreams and spoiled all the quiet
Propelled by fear and not been righteous
So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as dreams against the sky
The fever is near, I wish you were here."

Basically, youth sucks because I'm feeling that me-against-the-world mindset and hearing all those discouraging voices my friends have told me about. How I will not like writing as a profession because the pay is too low, how I am not an original, and furthermore, a bitch.

Well if I don't make enough money to have cable television I'll have the OC and all I eat is cereal anyways and all I wear are my best friends' sweatshirts and my cords so I'll get by, and appreciate it. And if I'm not an original at least I know it: "At least I can admit it. Can you? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and admit that you are no different from every other bundle of bones on the planet? And maybe all that makes us difference are our hands, what they touch and what we do with them." (That was paraphrased from Please Don't Kill the Freshman but I'm pretty sure it's pretty close.) And a bitch? Grrl, pLeeeeZe! I'm so sick of stupid high school drama. I can't believe any of us even take ourselves seriously when we're involved with shit like that.

End rant that really would not have any other context but in an angsty online blog.

Basically I've been really restless. It's kind of the cliche of a hole in my life/heart/what have you, that nothing here could fill. I remember little things and they're what make me miss people most.

Today Caitlin Cruickshanks and I ventured out to the Portland Memorial "for the newspaper". I put that in quotes not because it's a flat-out lie, because I did write an article about it, but mainly I enjoy writing Unraveling the Fringe because it gives me an excuse to explore wonderful Portland. I can't really explain why it was so amazing, but it was. A mausoleum! You would never imagine its charm.

Pictures can be found here.

Check out this letter taped to a child's tomb:

"Nicholas--
I'm writing this to clear my mind.
I'm writing this because it is Mother's Day. I am your mother, and you are my son.

You were more than just a pregnancy.
You are my child.
You were my dreams.
You were my future.

You were to be a lot of things, dear child...
And now ... now you are my son.
You will stay alive in my heart and soul
and someday I will cradle you in my arms again."

For some reason reading this brought me to tears right there, in one of the many, seemingly generic freezing hallways. There are so many stories and we should not try to forget them, in order to save ourselves from pain.

So I continue to remember. Here, I'll be.

Goodnight.

posted by Allison Francis @ 11:28 PM