"I'm sitting in math class, not paying attention because we're correcting the homework I didn't do. My gums hurt. I can feel my wisdom teeth coming in. I'm wearing my Portland Love sweatshirt. I'm thinking about how to get out of the JUG I got from the substitute teacher in Spanish class yesterday, and whether or not I'll go for a run after school. And how this moment, dull though it may be, is more precious than any moment I'll have when you're gone."
Most of the time when my thoughts are expressed in words I have written the phrases much sooner than my pen hits the paper, or my fingers touch the keyboard.
Today I went on my first real run since cross country season, three or so miles around the old, familiar Fairmount loop -- something which used to be an easy Sunday morning run. Before I even set out I pictured myself writing, "it felt just how running used to and should feel. Back to the healthiest days of my sophomore year when it was my outlet for rage and a catalyst of joy. It hurt, but in a good way." After the first mile though, I knew this would be a lie. It hurt like hell. The ligaments in my knees were so tight I feared they'd snap and my ankles were weak and unforgiving. I tried to channel all I cared about into staying strong and I went so far as to pray I could keep running.
And I obviously made it home in one piece, but I would like to feel stronger than I did today.
I miss you.
"When you showed me myself, you know
I became someone else
But I was caught in between
all you wish for and all you need
I pictured you fast asleep
A nightmare comes; you can't keep awake.
May God's love be with you, always."
[Joseph Arthur]
posted by Allison Francis @ 4:48 PM
1 Comments:
Allison. so in hall council we have guest speaker sometimes. these higher up random people who blab on about how they need volunteers and what not.
anyway, i always thought you'd make the most perfect guest speaker and if i could book you for a sunday down here in corvallis, let me know.
so it's 2:30 here and i got homework do do but this seemed much more important (most everything is more important than homework... but this especiallly).
allison, you have more wisdom and love crammed into your heart than i hope i'd ever achieve to attain in a lifetime. most of your posts hit me so deep i dont even understand how you can write something so heart-wrenchingly beautiful.
i hope you continue to share your ideas with the world, its a better place with you in it. i couldn't say it any plainer. or truer.
i love you.
katie
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