Look Up

"I wasn't sure what to expect, but now I couldn't wish for more of anything but time."

I wrote that a little over a week ago and then decided I'd rather spend time with my friends instead of blogging about them.

Well I've got time now. I'm grounded for a typical amount of New Year's trouble, and no one can come over here and I can't go to my friends houses' (I'm allowed to go out to other places, till 6pm...?) and this goes on for two weeks, then another two weeks of no sleepovers. But I could care less about that; this week is the one that hurts. New Year's Eve and the day after were maybe the worst days I can remember ever having. All I did yesterday was sleep and cry and regret things. I take full responsibility for what happened, and I'm not looking for sympathy, but it just really sucks.

But hey, everything up till then was really amazing. The real-life airport scenes were surreal and felt like a dream and the rest was simple and wonderful and I couldn't really wish for more.

Subjecting myself to being the doll/project/WHATEVER she loves me, okay?

And we were finally together.


I don't understand how this beautiful girl can distort her face to this horrifying degree.

Some intense Cranium with the gang...

And the best moments, I don't have pictures of. Like 4 AM freestyling rap battles (call my dead cell phone and listen to my answering machine to hear a product of the night, haha), hours and hours of "Sex & the City" with the corresponding stories and questions, on my end, and Zoo Lights and late night drives, and singing and dancing and playing music, and three to a bed every night, and talking so late and loving and loving and loving so much I could feel it in my chest and head and everywhere.

I'm not going to lie, though, I'm really afraid of saying goodbye for a second time. The first goodbyes, in late August, are still so vivid and bittersweet and I guess I'm just afraid of how everything will be without them, again. And just in the past couple days a lot has changed in how I think about things and I think I need these people and I don't know why that is but I believe it. And I might even want to be a better person.

BORN ON THE CUSP by the American Analog Set.

I'll be here.

posted by Allison Francis @ 4:10 PM