Look Up

So I'm going to be completely unoriginal and not care -- the song of the season is definetly still "All These Things I've Done" by the Killers -- I hear it anywhere and everywhere, and always, at the bridge, someone will scream, "shh, guys, this is the best part!!" and start harmonizing with "I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier" before some non-hardcore headbanging and dancing. Enjoy.

November is moving along nicely. Last weekend I went to an amazing Decemberists concert, I'm now in the midst of a four-day weekend, Wednesday is the huge Death Cab for Cutie show. The next day I'm leaving for Georgia to attend the protest against the School of the Americas, and the next week is another four-day weekend for Thanksgiving! School has been getting harder, and I've been working harder, too. (Not like it matters to anyone else, but I currently have four A's, two B's, and one C+ ... thanks to Mr. Cammann's terrible chemistry class for that last one.)

Last year, I didn't work very hard or care about getting good grades, and I think it's because I had no incentive to work towards. But the way my dad seems to operate is, work hard, take initiative, and I can do what I want. It's definetly good motivation ... and of course, there's always college to think about. So I've been doing fine, I guess. I have truly been living for the weekends.

One thing I notice a lot are the dynamics between my friends and their parents. For me, even when I'm on good terms with my parents, we are still very distant. Sometimes I find them perhaps obnoxious or helpful, but I honestly don't have much emotional attatchment, at all. I feel like an ungrateful bitch, but I don't really like fraternal shows of affection, either. When I go to my friends' houses I notice the different relationships, and it seems like everyone is closer to their parents than I am. And while this makes me jealous, at times, and I wish I had something like that ... I don't want that, with my parents. I'm not even sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but I don't really understand myself, and again, it makes me feel like a bitch.

But. What can you do, right?

I tend to say that a lot and sometimes I think it's a healthy, relaxed outlook on life -- but from time to time, I wonder if it's just too dismissively passive.

I'm waiting for something.

"We don't know where we're going
But we'll get nowhere if we've forgotten where we've been."
[Maria Taylor]

posted by Allison Francis @ 2:22 PM